HyVee vs church
At church, you sometimes get a small amount of grape juice and a tiny cracker during communion.
At HyVee, you can buy a big bottle of grape juice and a loaf of bread.
At church, if a pastor, elder, or a member who gives a lot of money in the offering, insults you, sexually harasses you, or wants to start a fight with you, you’re told you must forgive them and act like nothing is wrong.
At HyVee, if an employee upsets you for any of the same reasons, you can write a note for the store director and someone will correct or fire them.
At church, you’re expected to sing along to the slow boring worship music and raise your hands or people think that you don’t have the right relationship with God. If you dance then you’re considered a distraction.
At HyVee, you hear better music on the radio and you can dance. No one cares as long as you buy something.
At church, people expect you to put on your fancy uncomfortable clothes on Sunday morning or they’ll assume you have no respect for God’s house.
At HyVee, they simply appreciate that you are wearing clothes. Only employees must dress professional but at least they get paid for it.
At church, there is nothing going on except on Sunday and Wednesday.
At HyVee, you can buy food every day of the week.
At church, if your kids scream and run around, you are considered a bad parent and people will tell you that God is punishing you for some sin.
At HyVee, kids scream, run around, and throw a fit when their parents don’t buy them everything they want but HyVee employees think it’s entertaining and will attempt to calm the kids down and have an intelligent conversation to distract them while their mother pays for the food.
At church, you don’t have enough hands to hold your Bible, purse, the bulletin, and still have a free hand to shake hands with everyone.
At HyVee, we can use shopping carts.
At church, you’re told that you’re robbing God if you don’t give ten percent of your income to their church. You don’t get anything in return, not even a bottle of Pepsi.
At HyVee, you can buy a 3 egg omelette with hash browns and toast for $3.99 . You can also buy a small soft drink for $1.59 and get free refills.
At church, if people are rude to you, you’re still expected to come back. Otherwise, you are considered a “church hopper”.
At HyVee, if employees are rude to the customers, they will not feel like coming back and will shop somewhere else.