Awhile back. I wrote a book called Confessions of a Confused Virgin. It’s still available on amazon if anyone is interested.
Anyhow it’s been two years since I wrote that and I’m still Confused and still a Virgin. My views have changed significantly though since I wrote it and so I’m exploring my lack of sexuality and explaining it. Not sure if anyone cares but at least I benefit from thinking about this.
Here is a quote from the preface of my book:
“As a young, single, Christian virgin in my twenties, I started to think about girls, dating, sex, marriage, pregnancy, and babies. However, I tried to hide my thoughts and feelings for fear that people would call me a dirty, sinful pervert. I started to hate myself more and more for thinking about these things. They were not something that many Christians want to talk about. I prayed constantly, begging God to remove these sexual thoughts from me and then when he never did, I became angry at God and wanted to kill myself. Even if I killed myself, I was afraid of going to either hell or afraid that I would go to heaven and be near the God I hated.”
It was no accident that I was thinking about such things. After all that was all that was talked about at the churches I used to be part of. I honestly wonder if I would have even known there was such a think as sex if Christians could have shut up about it. It led me to a time of questioning Christianity and eventually questioning my sexuality or lack thereof. I slowly became less religious at the same time as becoming less interested in sex. How much of my hatred of sex is biological and how much is environmental? I shall meditate on this.