Life is hard. Working takes far too much mental energy trying to please everyone and obey all their demands. I face this at work and then when I’m home my mom wants me to do things and I can’t follow directions right and I get yelled at. I’m just sick of it. This is just one reason I had to quit doing the podcasts like I was for the past few years. I also had a big blow up with Monique and told her the Celibate Vegan Voices show is off until further notice. It’s a miracle if I can even survive working at Hy-Vee and helping my mother with all the things I can’t do.
And besides that, what good has it done that I’ve talked about the controversial topics through podcasts, books, and social media. It hasn’t changed the immeasurable suffering humans inflict on each other and and billions of animals. I hope I’m wrong and that it does some good but the bottom line is that I see the utter hopelessness of my efforts. It comes down to the fact that I can’t change people including even myself to be the perfect person everyone wants me to be.
As much as possible I’m going to focus on doing what I like. Art, video games, dancing, whatever. And every time someone criticizes me for this, such as Monique recently did, I will just have to cut off ties with them at least temporarily.
And it’s not necessary to go into the details of the problems I have with Monique, my mother, or anyone else. You know why? Because then other idiots will agree with the people who are stressing me out and believe that I’m the problem.
So regardless of what your opinion is or what you think of me, I’m just having this rant so that people know I’m under a lot of stress and it’s probably best not to make me any angrier than I already am. I’m not looking for advice or criticism, constructive or otherwise about what I need to do to fix my life. Improving one’s quality of life depends 100% on how much money they have and how supportive the people around them are.
I would however like to end on a positive note. I recently had a good time at a party with my Hy-Vee coworkers. Joette brought a vegetable tray and some beans with no meat added that she knew I would eat. At least the people I work with are generally supportive of my convictions as a vegan. Sure they may not understand the reasons behind it, in spite of my quite public explanations online, but they are generally good people who treat other humans well even if they pay others to murder animals for the sake of their taste buds or false beliefs about protein.
I believe this post will be helpful to my true friends who will know I’m having a hard time so that they can possibly understand. However in the event that someone leaves stupid comments I will most likely delete them. Then they will know the frustration of realizing they’ve wasted their time. More than anything that is the frustration I feel.
At least I do have good times in life with my coworkers and doing my geometric art or playing some Minecraft with Jamie and WSD. I will do what I can to maximize my happeness for my own sake and for everyone else because I don’t want to take out my frustrations on others. I know I’m not perfect that that I say unkind things when I’m too upset. I apologize for those I have hurt in this way in spite of the fact that I also cannot be literally blamed. The understanding that none of us are responsible for our thoughts and actions because we don’t cause our own parents to have sex in the first place or raise us the way they did has been a helpful understanding to me in my own emotional health. And of course helping others to understand this was what the Free Will, Science, and Religion podcast was about.
But perhaps sometimes people are unable to understand this and think that my challenging the belief in free will, advocating veganism, or exposing religion for the fraud that it is, that I’m just doing to be mean to them. Nope, that’s not it at all. I just want them to be spared the suffering that comes from incorrect thoughts and actions.