How toilets interpret shit


The fundamentalist toilet says God created the shit and has a purpose for it. The evolutionist toilet says the shit evolved from another species over billions of years. The agnostic toilet doesn’t know if there is any shit. The apathetic toilet doesn’t give a shit. The president toilet say shit should be safe, legal, and rare. The pro-choice toilet says “my shit my choice”. The determinist toilet says that all shit is the inevitable effect of prior causes. The indeterminist toilet says that shit randomly happens. The libertarian toilet says the shit happened of its own free will. The pastor toilet preaches the doctrine of original shit. The merciful toilet says “your shit is forgiven”. The ethicist toilet thinks about the moral thing to do in the current shituation. The calvinist toilet says that some shit is predestined to go to heaven and other shit goes to hell. The apologist toilet defends the inerrancy of shit. The clogged toilet can’t take any more shit. The ashitist toilet doesn’t believe any of this shit.

Why bathrooms are relevant


There are few things worse than having diarrhea and yet not being able to use a toilet because someone else that you live with is sitting on the only toilet in the apartment. If there was any way I could have a bathroom that only I would use, I imagine I would spend most of my life in the bathroom.

When I am reading a book, or watching a movie, the last thing that I want is to interrupt what I am doing. Whenever I have time and I am alone in the apartment, I will take a book I am reading or at least my ipod with me to the bathroom. I can easily stay on the toilet for two hours straight.

Someday, if I ever have my own apartment, I will probably just set up a place to put my laptop so that I can write. When I am inspired and know what topic you want to write about, I get angry that I need to use the bathroom. By the time I am back to the computer, I have forgotten what it was that I was trying to say. Those who live alone in their own house or apartment have very little to complain about.

I know that not only are bathrooms relevant to me, but that they are essential for all humans. No matter what your race, gender, age, or religion is, I know that you urinate and defecate. In this way, I know that all people are not as different as some of them would like to imagine.